It is past 7 AM and I haven't slept a wink all night. It has been one of those nights where your mind doesn't stop
Almost a month ago a good friend of mine, Katy, died in a car accident. A man in a car coming in the opposite lane crossed over and hit the car she was in head-on.
When I first heard about her death, I went into shock. I sobbed. I got out photos I'd taken of her and old yearbooks. I went into denial that it happened. (I still am in a state of disbelief, even now). Sure, I've known more people that have died than I'd care to think about, but Katy's death hit me especially hard. Part of it being we were both in the same group of close friends, and partly because she was my age. A year younger, actually. (She was 19). She was a sweet and funny friend. I've laughed and danced with her, and the last time I saw her she gave me a huge hug and kiss. I can't describe how horrible it is now to think of such a lively and wonderful girl dead.
I think it's interesting how you can go weeks, even months not seeing or speaking to a friend (out of being busy, or away) and not worry about it.. but when they are dead, you can *feel* that they are gone. You will never see or talk to them again. I've had friends that I've drifted apart from or haven't been in contact with, but at least I still know that they are happily (hopefully) going on with their lives.
Several years ago I was in a bad car accident myself. When the car flipped upside down time seemed to go extremely slow. I felt completely helpless, at the mercy of circumstance. I had a single horrifying split-second thought where I didn't know if I was going to live, be mangled, or die. Fortunately I, as well as the person I was with, came out with remarkably little harm. (Although it wasn't fun picking glass bits out of my hair, stomach, and mouth over the next two days).
Katy must have had that same moment in thought as she realized that what was about to happen was completely out of her control.
Sadly, she wasn't as lucky as I had been.